Parking Lot Towns



Parking lot towns
Big beige buildings with red brick awnings, stacked up neatly, geometrically arranged, model towns with model cars
White painted rectangles for empty automobiles, big, slightly dusty black trucks with thick tires, shiny red suburbans, license plates still missing, dull, silver audis with dents in the fenders, common cars of common people
There’s a haze in the air, of engine exhaust and floor-polish, tinting the once-blue sky a dusky grey
The mountains sit, ominous, in the distance
Navy blue
Silent, hovering
judgmental
I hold my breath
I feel myself blur in the edges of photographs,
Hands becoming undefined blobs of shape,
My eyes
Gone
I hold my breath
Watching
I can’t tell what is up and down and where the parking lot ends
Or even
If it ever does
My dirty green sneakers are half an inch off the ground
My head
Pulses
Throbbing
An ache behind where my eyes once were
Women with long eyelashes and lips painted burgundy
Curves showing, belly buttons and hips and breasts
Under tight lacy crop tops and long flowy skirts, like bright colored oceans that cling to the skin around pelvises
Sandaled feet with the toes painted a bright, neon pink
Ten dollar purses hang from shoulders like weights, heavy, glitzy metal emblems, insignias, logos, signatures on the clasp, knockoff brands and immitations, sewn hastily, cheap metal painted gold
I catch myself fingering fabric and price tags with .99 at the end of the number and wondering if I have enough
Long acrylic nails grab at single dollar bills and red plastic cards to pay for cheap floral patterns on polyester
They push babies in strollers and bounce them on their hips
Tiny faces with tiny eyes watching makeup smears, mega malls, and car tires
The asphalt desert is thirsty
The men wear shorts to their knees and dangle cigarettes from in between thick, callused fingers and the sides of their mouths
Smoke curls in the night air
Cursive, tattooed letters written on biceps and shoulders, names of sisters and grandmothers and daughters and lovers
Stubble on their chin, hair cropped close, their eyes are dark, intense
You don’t want to get too close
Fast singing to thin, sandy beats with undertones whispering of beer bottles and late nights and tall women blares out speakers and through rolled down windows
He yells at the phone while the woman wearing his ring holds the baby
“Sh sh sh” she whispers, frantic
And he screams
“WHERE IS MY SISTER?”
I don’t know
His sister
Past nine o’clock everyone’s voice is slurred
Metallic liquid dranken out of straws
and stale parmesan cheese on wilted lettuce leaves, burgers and pasta that looked better in the glossy menu photographs than they do on the plate
The laughs get louder and the glasses get emptier
The stars are blocked by the haze
Neon lights and loud noises and they all scream about possibilities of winning
Winning what?
I clutch my heart in one hand and red paper carnival tickets in the other
Winning
Winning
Jackpot
Enjoy your game
I spill my quarters on the floor
My drink is just water
The children scamper around like field mice high on ice cream
Little girls with their hair in pigtails
Little boys wearing light-up spiderman sneakers
The movie theater is the size of my entire town
I brush my hand over the surface and watch it crumble away
I whisper
“Where is the culture?”
They reply
“This is the culture”
I pluck four blades of grass
From the side of the street
They’re all the same length
Exactly three centimeters
They are sharp and the tips of my fingers bleed
The palm trees look plastic and I wonder when mother nature decided to leave this place
And I wonder
If she’ll ever come back
I imagine her roots breaking the hard, black ground, growing over two dimensional hotel rooms
Reclaiming what was once hers but since has been lost
To posters of glistening smiles
And cheap plastic flip flops
It’s only an imagination
The wind is hot and dry, blowing over the surface of the pool
Creating ripples on the glassy, chlorinated blue
It’s deepest end is five feet and I can stand easily and never even get my hair wet
The people’s hearts
Can’t be this shallow
As well
Can they?
Plastic hangers and broken cashiers, shiny floor tiles and high heels spilling off the shelves
I’m sure
There’s flesh and blood
Under all that foundation and faded green ink
I look out
At the endless
Parking lot
Trying to still my dizzy forehead
I hold my breath

But this really isn’t all that fair

Summer!!


Summer is ((finally)) here!
I had a wonderful first day of freedom enjoying the sunshine at the beach. There was also a lot of music and some Panda Express involved. Bliss.

I just wanted to chat a bit with you all about my summer goals and plans. Here's what I'll be up to:

working at camps
GeTtiNg mY LiCEnSe
going to the beach and/or swimming every day
racing my friend to 100 pages of writing by the end of the summer (you're going down Liv)
watching all the Star Wars movies with my nerd of a boyfriend
possibly going to Warped Tour?
babysitting
shopping ((because I need to buy myself new clothes it's time))
blogging with all you
filling up sketchbooks
completing some large paintings
working on watercolor skills
sleeping in
waking up early
drinking iced tea
working on my comic
reading comics
playing Magic the Gathering
playing video games
READING ALL THE BOOKS EVER
taking aesthetic photos
taking not-aesthetic selfies
chilling with friends
listening to large amounts of music
going to the movies
writing poetry about everything
spending too much time on Pinterest
staying at a college for two weeks (ahh)
touring more colleges
hanging with sisters and neighbors
eating popsicles
enjoying the sun

I think that's most of it? If I missed any I'll add them :) What are all of your summer plans? Stay cool <3


Painting Roses

Hello friends-- happy end of spring/beginning of summer!
And for my American friends out there in the internet, happy memorial day, and I hope you all are enjoying your three day weekend.

I have had quite a lovely few days which included a dinner picnic at the courthouse with a movie, a trip to the comic book store, I Madonnari (a chalk-painting festival) at the mission, sitting in the sun at the rose garden, and binging Legion at my friend's house ((anyone else into that show?)). I also spent some time working on Magic the Gathering decks ((I'm a nerd ok you should've figured that out by now)) and going through my old American Girl Doll stuff, which was so nostalgic ((saving it all for my future kids)). It's been nice, and I'm all the more excited for summer now.

What color rose are you? I'm yellow :)


Here have some photos because I like to imagine I'm aesthetic 

















2 Year Blogiversary?!?


GUYS

It's been two years since I started this blog.

Where has the time gone?

For my blogiversary post this year I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of your comments, subscriptions, and views. I know any blogger can tell you how special it feels to have someone appreciate your art and the work you put into the world. I've been through a lot during the time I've written this blog, and, being the way I am, I tend to leave more personal details out of my writing. But whenever I was tired or sad, I loved to check my inbox and see that someone had left a sweet comment on my sketchbook post, or a thought on my poetry. It makes my day every time. And providing you all with quality content you enjoy is something I love doing and want to continue doing for as long as I can.

So as for right now, you may have noticed my posts are starting to shift and change a bit and morph into something new. Things are becoming more personal, but also more ambiguous. I'm trying to keep core things like art, poetry, writing, and photography around but present them in a new format I like. I'm also trying to incorporate more music, because that's becoming such a big part of my life, and always has been. I'm curious to hear your thoughts-- are these posts working for you? Did you prefer older stuff? Are there posts I used to do that I don't anymore that you miss? Posts you wish I'd do more of? Please let me know below. 

Thank you again for all of your support and love. And thank you, those of you that are my fellow blogger buddies, for putting your creations out there as well on your own blogs. They inspire me. Stay wonderful my friends <3

Some Guitar For Those Who Need It



playlist
Full Circle- Half Moon Run
Nana- the 1975
BMI Valentine (Acoustic)- Relient K
The Gambler- Fun.
Sleeping Giant- Fort Atlantic
Psalm 46- Jenny & Tyler
Heart- Sleeping at Last
Remember When- O+S
Willow- Arcadian Wild

xx
some gentler stuff for you guys who just want to lay on the grass and stare at the clouds and think about bottlebrush trees and hummingbirds and half written letters in your bedside table drawer. it's ok.

Campus- Pt. 2

i've been
sitting on concrete steps
and reading my poetry
aloud to the leaves
and praying
for my Father
to wash us both in gold
and trying not to leave you letters in chalk
wherever i go

it's really hard